Merry Christmas!!!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
SCC to make ruling on Human Reproduction Act
OTTAWA—The Supreme Court of Canada hands down a landmark ruling on Quebec’s challenge of the federal power to control human reproductive technologies on Wednesday morning.
It’s the oldest outstanding case on the top court’s docket, on a question of far-reaching scope and complexity.
But it all comes down to this — what level of government gets to say what would-be parents, sperm or egg donors can do in the quest to reproduce?
It’s a question bedevilling many Canadians who sometimes go to great lengths to have children.
The Star reported Tuesday on a Canadian couple now stranded in India with twins — children born of a surrogate mother and an unknown donor’s egg but later determined not to be the genetic offspring of the father as thought.
Under Canadian law it is illegal to pay for sperm donors, egg donors or surrogates.
The family is now in a legal immigration limbo.
Quebec does not challenge Ottawa’s attempt to stop the commercialization of assisted human reproductive technologies.
Nor does Quebec oppose the federal ban on cloning, or reproductive technologies that would produce human/non-human hybrids.
But the province says Ottawa went too far when it assumed the power to regulate a whole other range of activities that Quebec says fall under medical services. Quebec says such services are between a doctor and a patient and come under its jurisdiction, not under criminal law as the federal government contends.
Quebec objects to Ottawa’s regulating the area of consent, as well as its intent to license fertility clinics, to control the import, export or transplant of eggs, sperm or embryos, to control the reimbursement of donors for expenses, to impose privacy controls or carry out inspections, searches and seizures of clinical premises.
In reality, while the law was enacted in 2004, Health Canada has only enacted one regulation — requiring the written consent of donors for the use of eggs, sperm or embryos.
The rest of the field is a grey zone, with much riding on Wednesday’s ruling.
If the court upholds Quebec’s arguments, it would have broad implications for provinces to proceed to regulate many assisted reproductive activities as they see fit, and could lead to a patchwork of practices across Canada.
However, that’s the case with many medical procedures which are regulated by provinces now.
As it stands, the federal law — the Assisted Human Reproduction Act — carries heavy penalties.
Breaches are criminal offences, and carry maximum penalties of up to $250,000 in fines or five years in jail for certain violations of “controlled activities.” For breaches of the outright bans on other practices, the penalties can range up to $500,000 fines or up to 10 years in jail.
Quebec’s challenge was backed by the governments of New Brunswick, Saskatchewan and Alberta which intervened when the appeal was heard in April 2009.
The Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada intervened in support of the federal government’s side.
On June 19, 2008, the Quebec Court of Appeal agreed with the province, and ruled the provisions went beyond the federal criminal law-making power to protect public health, morality and security of persons who are the offspring of assisted fertility treatments.
The appeal court concluded Ottawa wasn’t trying to prevent wrongdoing, but rather trying to control a medical activity to promote uniform Canadian national standards.
http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/910615--top-court-to-rule-on-ottawa-s-human-reproduction-law
It’s the oldest outstanding case on the top court’s docket, on a question of far-reaching scope and complexity.
But it all comes down to this — what level of government gets to say what would-be parents, sperm or egg donors can do in the quest to reproduce?
It’s a question bedevilling many Canadians who sometimes go to great lengths to have children.
The Star reported Tuesday on a Canadian couple now stranded in India with twins — children born of a surrogate mother and an unknown donor’s egg but later determined not to be the genetic offspring of the father as thought.
Under Canadian law it is illegal to pay for sperm donors, egg donors or surrogates.
The family is now in a legal immigration limbo.
Quebec does not challenge Ottawa’s attempt to stop the commercialization of assisted human reproductive technologies.
Nor does Quebec oppose the federal ban on cloning, or reproductive technologies that would produce human/non-human hybrids.
But the province says Ottawa went too far when it assumed the power to regulate a whole other range of activities that Quebec says fall under medical services. Quebec says such services are between a doctor and a patient and come under its jurisdiction, not under criminal law as the federal government contends.
Quebec objects to Ottawa’s regulating the area of consent, as well as its intent to license fertility clinics, to control the import, export or transplant of eggs, sperm or embryos, to control the reimbursement of donors for expenses, to impose privacy controls or carry out inspections, searches and seizures of clinical premises.
In reality, while the law was enacted in 2004, Health Canada has only enacted one regulation — requiring the written consent of donors for the use of eggs, sperm or embryos.
The rest of the field is a grey zone, with much riding on Wednesday’s ruling.
If the court upholds Quebec’s arguments, it would have broad implications for provinces to proceed to regulate many assisted reproductive activities as they see fit, and could lead to a patchwork of practices across Canada.
However, that’s the case with many medical procedures which are regulated by provinces now.
As it stands, the federal law — the Assisted Human Reproduction Act — carries heavy penalties.
Breaches are criminal offences, and carry maximum penalties of up to $250,000 in fines or five years in jail for certain violations of “controlled activities.” For breaches of the outright bans on other practices, the penalties can range up to $500,000 fines or up to 10 years in jail.
Quebec’s challenge was backed by the governments of New Brunswick, Saskatchewan and Alberta which intervened when the appeal was heard in April 2009.
The Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada intervened in support of the federal government’s side.
On June 19, 2008, the Quebec Court of Appeal agreed with the province, and ruled the provisions went beyond the federal criminal law-making power to protect public health, morality and security of persons who are the offspring of assisted fertility treatments.
The appeal court concluded Ottawa wasn’t trying to prevent wrongdoing, but rather trying to control a medical activity to promote uniform Canadian national standards.
http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/910615--top-court-to-rule-on-ottawa-s-human-reproduction-law
Friday, December 17, 2010
Surro Dilemma
Having a really tough time with choosing a surrogate. We met and immediately fell in love with a lovely woman who was pregnant with her first surro baby. Both DH and I felt as though we had hit the jackpot. She has since given birth to a healthy baby girl BUT it was via c-section. Our RE (we've switched to other doctor in same practice...later post) immediately vetoed that choice and strongly suggested our second surro option was a better decision.
As i have mentioned in earlier posts, I have some reservations about this person. DH is ready to move along even though he shares my concerns..this week we have barely spoken to each other because he thinks I am dragging my feet and I feel pressured and unfortunately the way I handle is by working late and leaving early :(
I don't want to be without a surro in the New Year but I also want to feel good about our decision.
HELP!! What would you do?
As i have mentioned in earlier posts, I have some reservations about this person. DH is ready to move along even though he shares my concerns..this week we have barely spoken to each other because he thinks I am dragging my feet and I feel pressured and unfortunately the way I handle is by working late and leaving early :(
I don't want to be without a surro in the New Year but I also want to feel good about our decision.
HELP!! What would you do?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I AM MAD!!
I am mad!!
Mad at all the people who are sending pregnancy announcements
Mad at DH
Mad at all those people who didn't support our pregnancy (ended in pre-term labour) 10 years ago because in their minds it wasn't the right time
Mad at my mother who never has the time to be supportive but all the time in the world to share the latest family gossip
Mad at my bosses for working me like an indentured servant
Mad at the doctors quick to prescribe more drugs before doing a holistic evaluation of my entire body
Mad at the bureaucracy that is requiring me to take costly accreditation exams to prove my competency
Mad at the university providing review sessions for those exams and providing a "constitutional" lecturer who claims that PM Harper is head of State....WHAT!!!!!! Have you even read the damn constitution?
Mad at all the people who say ...RELAX it will happen
Mad at my 22 yr old cousin who is now pregnant!!
I am mad that in the New Year I will be paying another woman to carry my child
Yes I am very mad but underneath all that madness is an incredible sadness that is overwhelming, a sadness that brings me to my knees.
Mad at all the people who are sending pregnancy announcements
Mad at DH
Mad at all those people who didn't support our pregnancy (ended in pre-term labour) 10 years ago because in their minds it wasn't the right time
Mad at my mother who never has the time to be supportive but all the time in the world to share the latest family gossip
Mad at my bosses for working me like an indentured servant
Mad at the doctors quick to prescribe more drugs before doing a holistic evaluation of my entire body
Mad at the bureaucracy that is requiring me to take costly accreditation exams to prove my competency
Mad at the university providing review sessions for those exams and providing a "constitutional" lecturer who claims that PM Harper is head of State....WHAT!!!!!! Have you even read the damn constitution?
Mad at all the people who say ...RELAX it will happen
Mad at my 22 yr old cousin who is now pregnant!!
I am mad that in the New Year I will be paying another woman to carry my child
Yes I am very mad but underneath all that madness is an incredible sadness that is overwhelming, a sadness that brings me to my knees.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Questions but no Answers
Just found out in the last few day that the lovely woman who we were hoping would be our surro next year had a C-section last month which means that our schedules are now probably not in synch. We have a meeting with RE this week and will find out when will be the safest time for her to carry another pregnancy.
We do have an alternate surro but although she seems friendly and cooperative, there were a few things that acted as a red flag for me.
1. She mentioned that her children's uncle (BTW - she has seven and no multiples, so fertility is definitely not an issue for her :)) had been shot in the last few weeks and had died. In fact DH remembered reading / hearing about it. Of course this revelation made me super nervous.
2. She complimented my husband on his JEANS..huh? I thought this was weird but maybe she was just being friendly.
3. She insists that IPs transfer no less than 3 embryos...even though I understand her argument which is, that the probability of implantation is higher with more embryos, I believe it is the IPs right to make the final determination regarding the numbers.
Praying that our preferred surro will recover nicely and assist in our journey to be parents. Meeting with the lawyer in Jan. She comes highly recommended and so we are very keen to work with her.
On a happier note, this weekend DH and I will host our annual Holiday Party!! Pics next week.
We do have an alternate surro but although she seems friendly and cooperative, there were a few things that acted as a red flag for me.
1. She mentioned that her children's uncle (BTW - she has seven and no multiples, so fertility is definitely not an issue for her :)) had been shot in the last few weeks and had died. In fact DH remembered reading / hearing about it. Of course this revelation made me super nervous.
2. She complimented my husband on his JEANS..huh? I thought this was weird but maybe she was just being friendly.
3. She insists that IPs transfer no less than 3 embryos...even though I understand her argument which is, that the probability of implantation is higher with more embryos, I believe it is the IPs right to make the final determination regarding the numbers.
Praying that our preferred surro will recover nicely and assist in our journey to be parents. Meeting with the lawyer in Jan. She comes highly recommended and so we are very keen to work with her.
On a happier note, this weekend DH and I will host our annual Holiday Party!! Pics next week.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
US Thanksgiving
DH and I met in New York a very long time ago. Our angel was born in NY and we will always have fond memories of the time we lived there. The food coop, Prospect Park, shopping on 7th avenue and the occasional night at the club (southpaw). I am thankful today for those happy memories, for the carefree couple who slept in late on Saturdays and walked in the park. I miss that couple.
To all my US friends and Family - one day I will share this blog with you and when I do, know that on the day before Thanksgiving I was thinking of you and being thankful that you are in my life.
To all my US friends and Family - one day I will share this blog with you and when I do, know that on the day before Thanksgiving I was thinking of you and being thankful that you are in my life.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Surrogacy 2011
It has been some time since I last posted. Partly because my job is keeping me super busy, preparing for licensing exams and probably more importantly just fearful of putting my thoughts out there. The last cycle was such a bummer that I have gone into full denial and have survived the last few months by pretending that a huge dark cloud is not hanging over our plans to be parents.
There have been lots of arguments and tense moments when I just wanted to pack my bags and run away from the pressures and stress. DH thinks that I am procrastinating, easy for him to say. It's not his body that is subjected to daily injections and almost a dozen different type of medication / pills. I still feel sore from the PIO injections and it has been 2 months!!! I know that he is frustrated and wants to help but sometimes his "help" comes across as pressure. For eg. at 11pm on a Friday night after working 12 hours, do I really need to have a discussion about when we are going back to see the Drs...NO!!!!!! Anyway enough of the griping.
We have a potential GS in mind and she is perfect. We have met her family and every thing thus far is going rather well. The catch of course there's a catch...she is currently preggo with surro baby and the earliest that she will be available is February but could also be as late as April. We are torn between having a back up and waiting for her...
Next step is meeting with the attorney and drafting an agreement that could be modified to suit the GS that we finally decide to work with. We struggled with whether we should use a lawyer (found several GS agreements online) but decided because the law has so many loop holes we would prefer to err on the side of caution. We did consider using an agency recommended by our Dr., but so far the agency in question has proven to be unreliable.
Faith is all I have at this point and even that is faltering...I would never describe myself as weak but at this very moment that is how I feel...weak and vulnerable and desperately trying not to give in to the darkness of depression.
There have been lots of arguments and tense moments when I just wanted to pack my bags and run away from the pressures and stress. DH thinks that I am procrastinating, easy for him to say. It's not his body that is subjected to daily injections and almost a dozen different type of medication / pills. I still feel sore from the PIO injections and it has been 2 months!!! I know that he is frustrated and wants to help but sometimes his "help" comes across as pressure. For eg. at 11pm on a Friday night after working 12 hours, do I really need to have a discussion about when we are going back to see the Drs...NO!!!!!! Anyway enough of the griping.
We have a potential GS in mind and she is perfect. We have met her family and every thing thus far is going rather well. The catch of course there's a catch...she is currently preggo with surro baby and the earliest that she will be available is February but could also be as late as April. We are torn between having a back up and waiting for her...
Next step is meeting with the attorney and drafting an agreement that could be modified to suit the GS that we finally decide to work with. We struggled with whether we should use a lawyer (found several GS agreements online) but decided because the law has so many loop holes we would prefer to err on the side of caution. We did consider using an agency recommended by our Dr., but so far the agency in question has proven to be unreliable.
Faith is all I have at this point and even that is faltering...I would never describe myself as weak but at this very moment that is how I feel...weak and vulnerable and desperately trying not to give in to the darkness of depression.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Bum shots
Now past the 7dp3dt and still no signal of an impending pregnancy...this really sucks....the next few days will be very hard to keep positive. Running out of space on my buttocks to inject the PIO so one bum is actually now feeling a bit sore but the pain is still quite manageable. A part of me is resigned to the fact that this cycle is another bust and is ready to start planning for cycle 3 with a surrogate. Before we can take that step we need to resolve whether my eggs are crappy or whether this was a case of my RE miscalculating the retrieval date and that the eggs were post mature. My friends keep insisting that I remain positive and not focus on the negative so i plod on with sunny thoughts and faith in God that he will sustain me and that our cycle will indeed be successful.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
2dp3dt
The transfer was smooth and painless. Our two embryos were transferred and to give them a fighting chance assisted hatching was performed. Because this was not discussed prior to the procedure our RE was very generous in not charging us for the procedure. Now we wait. I have taken 2 weeks off work and will occupy my time showing my sister the city and watching lots of cheesy movies. Hubby who has been very good at administering the PIO shots have been inserting the needle only halfway in and this has made the shot a hundred times easier on my bum bum.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
IVF #2
It's been awhile since I wrote on the blog in part due to work overload and in part to not having the inspiration to write it all down. A lot has happened in the last few months. We had a lovely vacation in Newfoundland and look forward to our next visit there. On our return, we launched into what is now IVF #2. All the old emotions have surfaces; fear, excitement, trepidation...
This cycle my RE decided to try another protocol which included using Bravelle and Menopur. All in all the medication was easier on my body and I had few side effects or felt any extreme bloating until the last few days.
The Retrieval was as expected quite uncomfortable and I have a vague memory of moaning for "more drugs" which I think they were reluctant to provide given that I was extremely ill after the last retrieval. Despite less medication, I did have quite a bit of nausea and some vomiting. For the remainder of the day, I slept and later went to my MIL's for dinner, all the while pretending that everything is copacetic. Only 9 eggs were retrieved despite a good early showing of 15 follicles. I was quite disappointed and extremely nervous as to what the fertilization report would yield. Indeed it was not good and I am already feeling discouraged as to the outcome of this cycle. To date we have 2 embryos and that number sadly will not improve but could in all likelihood decrease. Transfer is set for Friday and I pray that we will have 2 very strong and healthy embryos to transfer.
This cycle my RE decided to try another protocol which included using Bravelle and Menopur. All in all the medication was easier on my body and I had few side effects or felt any extreme bloating until the last few days.
The Retrieval was as expected quite uncomfortable and I have a vague memory of moaning for "more drugs" which I think they were reluctant to provide given that I was extremely ill after the last retrieval. Despite less medication, I did have quite a bit of nausea and some vomiting. For the remainder of the day, I slept and later went to my MIL's for dinner, all the while pretending that everything is copacetic. Only 9 eggs were retrieved despite a good early showing of 15 follicles. I was quite disappointed and extremely nervous as to what the fertilization report would yield. Indeed it was not good and I am already feeling discouraged as to the outcome of this cycle. To date we have 2 embryos and that number sadly will not improve but could in all likelihood decrease. Transfer is set for Friday and I pray that we will have 2 very strong and healthy embryos to transfer.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
some days are better than others
It comes suddenly and with a force that makes you quiver...I can never predict when I will have one of these moments. The moments where I call on the Lord to give me strength to survive the storm. The days where my heart feels like it's broken and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. Days where I want to lean on someone but I don't know who because I am too afraid of letting anyone see this broken side of me. Days where I work 30 hours because when i am tired I forget. Days where I watch mindless TV because I can fantasize and pretend.
I have suffered losses and disappointments but by far the most difficult was losing our baby several years ago. To this day, i still see his beautiful face, his tiny fingers and toes and the perfect little button nose....I love that child like I have never loved another person or thing...
Today i feel hopeless and lost, the girl in me is dying, i want to preserve her spirit, her fondness for life, her joy at the smallest pleasures but today her spirit is low and her future seems dim but my faith has got me this far and I have to trust that the Lord will get me further.
I have suffered losses and disappointments but by far the most difficult was losing our baby several years ago. To this day, i still see his beautiful face, his tiny fingers and toes and the perfect little button nose....I love that child like I have never loved another person or thing...
Today i feel hopeless and lost, the girl in me is dying, i want to preserve her spirit, her fondness for life, her joy at the smallest pleasures but today her spirit is low and her future seems dim but my faith has got me this far and I have to trust that the Lord will get me further.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Post IVF#1
Today we saw our RE to discuss our options and protocol for IVF#2. I am just exhausted with the entire process and ready to explore the idea of a gestational surrogate. However given that we have completed only 1 IVF, RE was pushing for us to do another and possibly a 3rd before going the route of Surrogacy. It is quite an expensive route and has several different components such as the level consequences, medical consequences and the psychological aspect; all of which combine to make for a very trying time. For these reasons, his advice was to hold off on the surrogacy. After the appointment, we spent the afternoon in the Park. Fun but lots of walking and now I am totally pooped.
Friday, June 11, 2010
FIFA 2010
As a woman of West Indian birth and descent, somewhere in my ancestry there were African slaves and today as I watched the FIFA opening ceremony, my eyes welled up with tears of joy for the people of that country, tears of hope for all the people of that country. The smiles on their faces were so bright and full of joy, I am going to channel that hope and joy for our next cycle and tell myself that we can do this. In some ways I am afraid to admit how emotionally draining this experience has been…my soul and spirit has been truly broken but in the words of Maya Angelo “I Rise” and I wil continue to RISE and I will be a mother. God does not give us more than we can bear and I trust that like Hannah and Sarah, I too will bear fruit in my “old age”.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Decisions
After much soul wrenching and meditating, I have decided that shortly after I find out that I am preggo, I will be taking a leave of absence or quitting my job so as to give the pregnancy the most optimal environment. This was a very tough decision to make. I am very independent and love making my own money but given my circumstances, I think it is the best available option.
Monday, May 31, 2010
FET #2
So a lot has happened since my last post. DH and I celebrated our wedding anniversary, we transferred out last frozen baby and now we are trying to figure out what comes next. In 24 hours I will receive confirmation of yet another failed cycle but even as I write/ type this, I am still hoping for a miracle. After all I am a Christian and faith is a huge part of my religion.
The past month has been tough. Each cycle that goes by without a pregnancy, a piece of me sinks deeper into that awful place that I don't want to go. My faith has been and is being tested every day and I fear that I am failing. There is no preparation for that awful "not pregnant" and the deep gut wrenching sobs are inevitable.
Things I am currently struggling with:
1. Should I quit my job?
2. Gestational surrogate?
3. My Faith!!!
Friends of ours eloped a couple of months ago and now we are walking on thin ice waiting for the big "announcement". When it comes we will be happy for them but also sad that we are still limping along....
The past month has been tough. Each cycle that goes by without a pregnancy, a piece of me sinks deeper into that awful place that I don't want to go. My faith has been and is being tested every day and I fear that I am failing. There is no preparation for that awful "not pregnant" and the deep gut wrenching sobs are inevitable.
Things I am currently struggling with:
1. Should I quit my job?
2. Gestational surrogate?
3. My Faith!!!
Friends of ours eloped a couple of months ago and now we are walking on thin ice waiting for the big "announcement". When it comes we will be happy for them but also sad that we are still limping along....
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day
This day is bittersweet for me. On one hand I want to celebrate all the amazing mothers who are a part of my life (and I did) but it is also a stark reminder of the fact that DH and I are still childless.
The day was less difficult than I thought it would be...Started off with a delicious and healthy breakfast prepared by DH. Toast, Scrambled eggs with ham, mushrooms, broccoli and peppers, Oatmeal, Smoothie and a cup of tea...he has definitely earned himself some good points for a rainy day :-)
My Mum and Aunt both made a point of also celebrating me as a mum... which really touched me and made me shed a tear. On days like today, my heart aches for the baby that I grew to love but never got to know. He would have been 10 this year and probably making me breakfast or not :)
My family has been very supportive during this journey and it has made living with infertility much more bearable..our babies when we do have them will be very loved and very LUCKY.
To all my fellow fertility-challenged, may we all be celebrating Mother's Day next year but until then hang in there and stay positive!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Recess
It's Friday and the weather is simply superb at least it is for the next few hours and then it drops to 2 deg C....AGAIN but I am thankful for small pleasures. I am taking advantage and sitting on our porch, no one ever sits on their porch on my street...I wonder why, they're all probably thinking "what is she doing"? Having grown up in the Caribbean where we all sat on our porches and chatted with the neighbours, I still find it incredibly difficult to embrace the culture of North American backyard and uber privacy. Oh well!!
I had a lovely lunch with co-workers today and tomorrow Hubby and I will attend a ballet performance with a friend who s celebrating her birthday. We met at an IF group session so we had to come up with a "story" to prepare for the curious few who will want to know how we met. I am not a big fan of telling "stories" but it is important to this person that the IF remains a "secret" and so I will do my (our) best to respect that.
This month we are taking a break!! No needles, no pills except my Folic Acid, my Prenatal vitamins and my thyroid medication but thankfully no PIO. It feels so goood to be able to walk again without limping or feeling sick all day.
I had a lovely lunch with co-workers today and tomorrow Hubby and I will attend a ballet performance with a friend who s celebrating her birthday. We met at an IF group session so we had to come up with a "story" to prepare for the curious few who will want to know how we met. I am not a big fan of telling "stories" but it is important to this person that the IF remains a "secret" and so I will do my (our) best to respect that.
This month we are taking a break!! No needles, no pills except my Folic Acid, my Prenatal vitamins and my thyroid medication but thankfully no PIO. It feels so goood to be able to walk again without limping or feeling sick all day.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Live, Love, Laugh
It's been a few days maybe more since my last blog but didn't have the time nor energy when I did to log on. I am sure it's fairly obvious that our FET was not a success. I have decided to take a break, I say "I" because Hubby is gung ho to keep going but emotionally and physically, I need a break. This weekend we will go in to see my RE and discuss our options. I am fairly certain that I have a cyst on my left ovary and at this point I don't know whether it is an endometrioma or regular cyst...hopefully an ultra-sound this weekend might clarify that question.
In other matters, our Easter weekend was busy and fun, ever day was packed with major activity so no time to dwell on what was not to be. We walked a fair bit and had some fairly intense conversations. What is clear is that we both want to be parents in a big way but unlike myself Hubby is not open to adoption. This is very new to me...and to be honest a shock. He admitted that he is not sure that he would be able to love another person's child and I respect that. I will always long for my biological child but I also know that I am capable of loving a child not born of my womb as much as I would a child that bears my DNA.
Easter Sunday was spent calling various family members and having lunch with Hubby's extended paternal family. The lamb was perfect and dessert was simply delicious. Our contribution Deviled Quail's eggs and Smoked Trout pate on Melba Toast was very warmly received and enjoyed. Hubby and his Aunt played ping pong until late evening...a good time was had by all.
This weekend we're attending a classical concert with his Dad and wife...this will be interesting, my FIL could be a handful at times but they don't get out much and we had the extra tickets...I hope we don't live to regret it.
In other matters, our Easter weekend was busy and fun, ever day was packed with major activity so no time to dwell on what was not to be. We walked a fair bit and had some fairly intense conversations. What is clear is that we both want to be parents in a big way but unlike myself Hubby is not open to adoption. This is very new to me...and to be honest a shock. He admitted that he is not sure that he would be able to love another person's child and I respect that. I will always long for my biological child but I also know that I am capable of loving a child not born of my womb as much as I would a child that bears my DNA.
Easter Sunday was spent calling various family members and having lunch with Hubby's extended paternal family. The lamb was perfect and dessert was simply delicious. Our contribution Deviled Quail's eggs and Smoked Trout pate on Melba Toast was very warmly received and enjoyed. Hubby and his Aunt played ping pong until late evening...a good time was had by all.
This weekend we're attending a classical concert with his Dad and wife...this will be interesting, my FIL could be a handful at times but they don't get out much and we had the extra tickets...I hope we don't live to regret it.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
8dp5dt
Still nothing to report. Struggling with whether to POAS or not but not sure I am ready for any disappointments so another day rolls along.
DH and I are considering a non-medicated or natural IVF cycle if this cycle does not work. I haven't yet researched the mechanics of how such a cycle works but I think that it involves constant monitoring to see how your egg is developing and when it is about 18-20, you will be given a trigger shot to release the egg from the follicle. RE will basically retrieve using the same method as he does in regular IVF and DH will provide his "sample" and you wait to hear whether there was fertilization or not. The primary difference is that you are doing this "sans" all the regular IVF medications.
As I mentioned earlier, I have fibroids as well as endometriosis and both do not respond well to most of the medication that is given during a regular IVF cycle. The high doses of estrogen can lead to increased growths in both Fibroids and Endometriomas. My RE will probably fight this decision but I think it's the best one for my optimal long term health.
This post is not in any way intended to be critical of IVF protocols but simply to share our plans and why we are opting to go this route.
On a positive note, Easter is almost here and the weather will be lovely, so time to dust off the worries of winter and embrace the beauty of Spring...new life and that's what I am praying is happening within me right now...new life.....
DH and I are considering a non-medicated or natural IVF cycle if this cycle does not work. I haven't yet researched the mechanics of how such a cycle works but I think that it involves constant monitoring to see how your egg is developing and when it is about 18-20, you will be given a trigger shot to release the egg from the follicle. RE will basically retrieve using the same method as he does in regular IVF and DH will provide his "sample" and you wait to hear whether there was fertilization or not. The primary difference is that you are doing this "sans" all the regular IVF medications.
As I mentioned earlier, I have fibroids as well as endometriosis and both do not respond well to most of the medication that is given during a regular IVF cycle. The high doses of estrogen can lead to increased growths in both Fibroids and Endometriomas. My RE will probably fight this decision but I think it's the best one for my optimal long term health.
This post is not in any way intended to be critical of IVF protocols but simply to share our plans and why we are opting to go this route.
On a positive note, Easter is almost here and the weather will be lovely, so time to dust off the worries of winter and embrace the beauty of Spring...new life and that's what I am praying is happening within me right now...new life.....
Thursday, March 25, 2010
5dp5dt
First of all, I was so excited to see my "first follower"...Hi Jenny and thank you for answering my questions re the assisted hatching. I think part of the reason we were so nervous about doing it was the fact that we were only aware of it the day before the transfer and so not enough time to get our heads around it. Hopefully this lil one will be strong enough to 'hatch' out on its own.
My Emotions are running the full gamut...happy, nervous, sad....and it goes on. No symptoms at least none that I can really feel is indicative of a pregnancy. My boobs are not sore at least not that I can tell. My left boob feels a bit odd but not sore more of a stretchy feeling. Bit crampy today but that may be due to a cyst that I have on my left ovary.
Another day...rolls along.
My Emotions are running the full gamut...happy, nervous, sad....and it goes on. No symptoms at least none that I can really feel is indicative of a pregnancy. My boobs are not sore at least not that I can tell. My left boob feels a bit odd but not sore more of a stretchy feeling. Bit crampy today but that may be due to a cyst that I have on my left ovary.
Another day...rolls along.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
FET 1dp5dt
Our snow baby (the blastocyst) survived the thawing and was successfully transferred to mama's uterus. Up until minutes before the retrieval we had no idea whether he/she had survived. Our clinic offers Assisted Hatching which we opted not to do given that potential disadvantages include congenital defects (conjoined twins, missing limbs etc.) and only increases the odds of implantation by 5%. Our RE didn't think this embryo would survive to blastocyst stage as it was only an 8 cell grade 3 embryo but it did and so we have hope that our little boy or girl will continue to be a fighter.
Apart from an acupuncture treatment after the transfer, I did little else. Hubby made yet another delicious breakfast. At the end of my acupuncture session the acupuncturist suggested that i eat a lot of walnuts and grapes. Well hubby took that quite seriously and immediately went and bought 2 large packets of walnuts and bulging bag of grapes. I had walnuts in my scrambled eggs...enough said :)
Apart from an acupuncture treatment after the transfer, I did little else. Hubby made yet another delicious breakfast. At the end of my acupuncture session the acupuncturist suggested that i eat a lot of walnuts and grapes. Well hubby took that quite seriously and immediately went and bought 2 large packets of walnuts and bulging bag of grapes. I had walnuts in my scrambled eggs...enough said :)
Friday, March 19, 2010
FET and more
It's been a few weeks since I have posted but we are preparing for round 2 of IVF #1 which is an FET. For those new to infertile world, this means Frozen Embryo Transfer. It's a bit easier on the body but definitely harder on the bum :(
My protocol includes taking 2 estrogen pills 3x/day. I'm not really crazy about doing this as I think it could have future dire consequences but it is done to help the endometrium develop into a nice moist cushiony (not sure if this is a word but nevertheless it stays...) bed for the little one.
I also continue with my folic acid, prednisone, baby aspirin and the dreaded PIO ( progesterone in oil) OUCHHHH!!!! This is an intramuscular shot and boy you feel it for hours. Because it is oil based, it does not dissolve very easily and can form huge lumps which then become painful. I have been hobbling for the last week and the heating pad is my constant companion, at least until tomorrow night when the FET is performed. Embryos do not respond well to scents and heat so as of tomorrow cold showers and I will have to find another way to deal with my sore bum. If we do succeed and have a BFP, I will have to continue with the shots until the end of the first trimester and possibly even the second...Nice :(
Last night hubby and I went to our first Infertility Group meeting. As soon as I noticed the box of tissues prominently placed in the middle of the room, I knew this was going to be tough and it was. There were lots of tears and the occasional rant and lots of husbands who dutifully collected tissues for the sobbing wives and partners. Despite our initial trepidation, in the end it felt really good to be there and bond with the other couples. I have made two connections and hopefully we can support each other through this journey, because only another infertile (and my sister) can truly understand the loss that you feel each month when the dreaded Aunt Flo makes her visit.
On another note, I had an acupuncture treatment today and as usual fell asleep on the table. Still trying to decide whether it is the treatment or the music. Another is scheduled for tomorrow after the transfer and then home to bed for 48 hrs, longer if hubby had the final say. I don't think it is necessary to stay in bed for the entire week. we did that the last time and alas, BFN. I will return to work on Monday, work a shorter day and come home and rest. I feel physically fine except for the bum :) so here's hoping that all goes well tomorrow.
My protocol includes taking 2 estrogen pills 3x/day. I'm not really crazy about doing this as I think it could have future dire consequences but it is done to help the endometrium develop into a nice moist cushiony (not sure if this is a word but nevertheless it stays...) bed for the little one.
I also continue with my folic acid, prednisone, baby aspirin and the dreaded PIO ( progesterone in oil) OUCHHHH!!!! This is an intramuscular shot and boy you feel it for hours. Because it is oil based, it does not dissolve very easily and can form huge lumps which then become painful. I have been hobbling for the last week and the heating pad is my constant companion, at least until tomorrow night when the FET is performed. Embryos do not respond well to scents and heat so as of tomorrow cold showers and I will have to find another way to deal with my sore bum. If we do succeed and have a BFP, I will have to continue with the shots until the end of the first trimester and possibly even the second...Nice :(
Last night hubby and I went to our first Infertility Group meeting. As soon as I noticed the box of tissues prominently placed in the middle of the room, I knew this was going to be tough and it was. There were lots of tears and the occasional rant and lots of husbands who dutifully collected tissues for the sobbing wives and partners. Despite our initial trepidation, in the end it felt really good to be there and bond with the other couples. I have made two connections and hopefully we can support each other through this journey, because only another infertile (and my sister) can truly understand the loss that you feel each month when the dreaded Aunt Flo makes her visit.
On another note, I had an acupuncture treatment today and as usual fell asleep on the table. Still trying to decide whether it is the treatment or the music. Another is scheduled for tomorrow after the transfer and then home to bed for 48 hrs, longer if hubby had the final say. I don't think it is necessary to stay in bed for the entire week. we did that the last time and alas, BFN. I will return to work on Monday, work a shorter day and come home and rest. I feel physically fine except for the bum :) so here's hoping that all goes well tomorrow.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
BFN
There were tears and more tears and hugs and above of all a feeling of absolute sadness. It won't be official until Monday when our RE does the bloodtest but at this point I am not feeling any symptons...no that's not true, I am feeling lots of cramps and more cramps and nausea and a weird metallic taste in my mouth...pregnant...no...PMS...big fat YES!!!
Heading out to an Art show but would rather be at home trying to get my head around this setback. We will try again as soon as it is possible. I wish I were in NY with my friends and family or back home with my sister who has been really supportive through this entire process. She has the amazing ability to be comforting without being stifling or pushy and is very respectful of people's boundaries...thank you Baby Sis :)
J has been great and really stepped up to the plate. I do think we have become a bit stronger through all this and have truly functioned as a team.
Heading out to an Art show but would rather be at home trying to get my head around this setback. We will try again as soon as it is possible. I wish I were in NY with my friends and family or back home with my sister who has been really supportive through this entire process. She has the amazing ability to be comforting without being stifling or pushy and is very respectful of people's boundaries...thank you Baby Sis :)
J has been great and really stepped up to the plate. I do think we have become a bit stronger through all this and have truly functioned as a team.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tiger's apology
Allow me to digress a bit....while I believe that this is a matter between him and his wife and NO ONE else, he is a public figure and as such should be held to a higher standard. It's one of the trade offs of fame. About the apology...hmmm...should have occurred sooner but I do think he was sincere. I applaud Elin for not showing up with a plastic smile to support him...he betrayed her in the worst possible way and no doubt it will take many months, years for that trust to be regained.
For any husbands reading this...don't do it!!
Enough said!
For any husbands reading this...don't do it!!
Enough said!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Cycle Monitoring
I was put on birth control for 10 days. During this time I was also self-injecting Lupron (this drug was used to prevent premature ovulation by suppressing the pituitary gland). It worked and I was "suppressed" and on day 1 of my period I began full cycle monitoring for our IVF. This entailed going to the RE every other day for about 5 days. On those days I had a vaginal ultrasound, blood drawn (to test the hormone levels), and a review with the RE of the prior day's results.
My protocol included:
*Lupron (self injected 1x day) - suppression drug
*Gonal F and Repronex (injected in bum by dear hubby 1x/day) - stimulate ovaries to produce multiple eggs
*Prednisone - Steroid to counter any potential auto immune disorders
*Baby Aspirin daily - prevent any clotting
*Materna - Vitamins
*Thyroid pills - precautionary to give thyroid added boost and ensure overall health
*Estrace - Fake estrogen (like i need more estrogen)
*Progesterone Suppositories - to aid in implantation, build up the uterine lining
*Host of Antibiotics - Precautionary - to ward off any potential bacterial infection ( both hubby and I had to take this for 3 days and then I for an additional few days after the retrieval).
*Pain killers - proud of myself - only took 1 and practised every form of meditation, prayer and deep breathing to deal with the pain/discomfort.
*Bottles and Bottles of Gatorade (hate the stuff and tried to supplement with Coconut water) and soups - to prevent fluid retention
Stimualtion period was okay for the most part but by day 9, my ovaries felt like 2 watermelons about to explode. Day of retrieval was horrible. J had no trouble producing a sample ...hmmm..speedy gonzales
RETRIEVAL DAY
The actual retrieval is a blur as I was heavily sedated but 15 eggs were retrieved but only 6 were mature. 6 of 6 fertilized. I had a horrible reaction to the medication and could barely stand up due to the nausea and gut wrenching puking (I was later told by one of the nurses that I may have been given too much medication).
That evening, J presented me with an early Valentines day gift (and yes it was a surprise because we are not the type of couple that celebrates the occasion but it was a much appreciated surprise).
TRANSFER DAY ( Incidentally Family Day:))
Easy as pie, no pain or medication!!! At this point we had 6 embryos (all perfect 8 cells, embryos can range from 4-8 cells). We decided to implant 2, freeze 2 and leave the remaining 2 in the lab for further growth. Embryos are often graded 1 being the best and 5 being the worst or vice versa. We had 1 #1, 3 #2s and 2#3s which we fondly call our ugly ducklings. the ducklings were left in the lab for an additional 2 days and the hope was that they would rebel and become "swans" or medically known as blastocysts. The diference between a blastocyst and an embryo is that the latter has 70-100 cells whereas the former is comprised of 4-8 cells.
Many centres choose to perform a 3-day transfer (embryo) but 5-day transfers (blastocysts) are also quite common. Some research has shown higher implantation rates with a 5-day transfer which is more in line (timing) with the location and stage that a normal pregnancy would be at that point.
UPDATE
one of the little guys made it to the blastocyst stage and the other expired. So as of now we have 2 in utero, 2 frozen embryos and 1 frozen blastocyst (otherwise know as our snow babies).
My protocol included:
*Lupron (self injected 1x day) - suppression drug
*Gonal F and Repronex (injected in bum by dear hubby 1x/day) - stimulate ovaries to produce multiple eggs
*Prednisone - Steroid to counter any potential auto immune disorders
*Baby Aspirin daily - prevent any clotting
*Materna - Vitamins
*Thyroid pills - precautionary to give thyroid added boost and ensure overall health
*Estrace - Fake estrogen (like i need more estrogen)
*Progesterone Suppositories - to aid in implantation, build up the uterine lining
*Host of Antibiotics - Precautionary - to ward off any potential bacterial infection ( both hubby and I had to take this for 3 days and then I for an additional few days after the retrieval).
*Pain killers - proud of myself - only took 1 and practised every form of meditation, prayer and deep breathing to deal with the pain/discomfort.
*Bottles and Bottles of Gatorade (hate the stuff and tried to supplement with Coconut water) and soups - to prevent fluid retention
Stimualtion period was okay for the most part but by day 9, my ovaries felt like 2 watermelons about to explode. Day of retrieval was horrible. J had no trouble producing a sample ...hmmm..speedy gonzales
RETRIEVAL DAY
The actual retrieval is a blur as I was heavily sedated but 15 eggs were retrieved but only 6 were mature. 6 of 6 fertilized. I had a horrible reaction to the medication and could barely stand up due to the nausea and gut wrenching puking (I was later told by one of the nurses that I may have been given too much medication).
That evening, J presented me with an early Valentines day gift (and yes it was a surprise because we are not the type of couple that celebrates the occasion but it was a much appreciated surprise).
TRANSFER DAY ( Incidentally Family Day:))
Easy as pie, no pain or medication!!! At this point we had 6 embryos (all perfect 8 cells, embryos can range from 4-8 cells). We decided to implant 2, freeze 2 and leave the remaining 2 in the lab for further growth. Embryos are often graded 1 being the best and 5 being the worst or vice versa. We had 1 #1, 3 #2s and 2#3s which we fondly call our ugly ducklings. the ducklings were left in the lab for an additional 2 days and the hope was that they would rebel and become "swans" or medically known as blastocysts. The diference between a blastocyst and an embryo is that the latter has 70-100 cells whereas the former is comprised of 4-8 cells.
Many centres choose to perform a 3-day transfer (embryo) but 5-day transfers (blastocysts) are also quite common. Some research has shown higher implantation rates with a 5-day transfer which is more in line (timing) with the location and stage that a normal pregnancy would be at that point.
UPDATE
one of the little guys made it to the blastocyst stage and the other expired. So as of now we have 2 in utero, 2 frozen embryos and 1 frozen blastocyst (otherwise know as our snow babies).
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
History
The last few weeks have been a host of activities, most of which were often uncomfortable or taxing but all of which I am happy to endure if it means the end result is that we (J and I) will be parents of a healthy baby(ies) at the end of this journey. A bit of background...we came close to being parents 10 years ago but at 19 weeks my cervix showed signs of funnelling and though placed on strict bed rest, I continued to dilate and at 22 weeks delivered a beautiful, perfect baby boy (Matthew). A subsequent autopsy showed no defects and the conclusion was perhaps an incompetent cervix.
Fast forward and we are ready to try again and we do like happy bunnies but to no avail. Given our ages we decided to seek out the help of RE and we are sent for the usual battery of tests. What we discovered was that my tubes are open and ovarian reserve (egg quantity) appears to be good but I have Endometriosis...WHAT!!!! Now up until now I had great respect for my GYN but I truly believe that he let the ball fall at this point. After the diagnosis, I asked him repeatedly about what that meant for us in terms of getting pregnant and he REPEATEDLY brushed aside my concerns/questions and in fact never discussed the results of the HSG with us. Most of our knowledge came from the mutterings of the Dr performing the HSG procedure...but it was our DR's (GYN) responsibility to review the findings with us. Several months after the HSG, I started experiencing a pain in my right side which intensified after playing a game of tennis (note to self...if in pain don't be guilted into doing some sporting activity just to please others...listen to your body :)) Pain turned out to be the result of a significant endometrioma on right ovary. While at hospital we met our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), Dr. B
Initial meeting with RE lasted 3 hours and he was very thorough and it was very clear that mine was not an easy case..indeed the word complex was thrown around a lot. Two IUIs later, we are now in the middle of our first and hopefully only IVF.
Fast forward and we are ready to try again and we do like happy bunnies but to no avail. Given our ages we decided to seek out the help of RE and we are sent for the usual battery of tests. What we discovered was that my tubes are open and ovarian reserve (egg quantity) appears to be good but I have Endometriosis...WHAT!!!! Now up until now I had great respect for my GYN but I truly believe that he let the ball fall at this point. After the diagnosis, I asked him repeatedly about what that meant for us in terms of getting pregnant and he REPEATEDLY brushed aside my concerns/questions and in fact never discussed the results of the HSG with us. Most of our knowledge came from the mutterings of the Dr performing the HSG procedure...but it was our DR's (GYN) responsibility to review the findings with us. Several months after the HSG, I started experiencing a pain in my right side which intensified after playing a game of tennis (note to self...if in pain don't be guilted into doing some sporting activity just to please others...listen to your body :)) Pain turned out to be the result of a significant endometrioma on right ovary. While at hospital we met our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), Dr. B
Initial meeting with RE lasted 3 hours and he was very thorough and it was very clear that mine was not an easy case..indeed the word complex was thrown around a lot. Two IUIs later, we are now in the middle of our first and hopefully only IVF.
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