"Cast your fears on God and he will sustain you..." (Psalm 55:22)

"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

US Thanksgiving

DH and I met in New York a very long time ago. Our angel was born in NY and we will always have fond memories of the time we lived there. The food coop, Prospect Park, shopping on 7th avenue and the occasional night at the club (southpaw). I am thankful today for those happy memories, for the carefree couple who slept in late on Saturdays and walked in the park. I miss that couple.

To all my US friends and Family - one day I will share this blog with you and when I do, know that on the day before Thanksgiving I was thinking of you and being thankful that you are in my life.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Fall Hiking

Surrogacy 2011

It has been some time since I last posted. Partly because my job is keeping me super busy, preparing for licensing exams and probably more importantly just fearful of putting my thoughts out there. The last cycle was such a bummer that I have gone into full denial and have survived the last few months by pretending that a huge dark cloud is not hanging over our plans to be parents.

There have been lots of arguments and tense moments when I just wanted to pack my bags and run away from the pressures and stress. DH thinks that I am procrastinating, easy for him to say. It's not his body that is subjected to daily injections and almost a dozen different type of medication / pills. I still feel sore from the PIO injections and it has been 2 months!!! I know that he is frustrated and wants to help but sometimes his "help" comes across as pressure. For eg. at 11pm on a Friday night after working 12 hours, do I really need to have a discussion about when we are going back to see the Drs...NO!!!!!! Anyway enough of the griping.

We have a potential GS in mind and she is perfect. We have met her family and every thing thus far is going rather well. The catch of course there's a catch...she is currently preggo with surro baby and the earliest that she will be available is February but could also be as late as April. We are torn between having a back up and waiting for her...

Next step is meeting with the attorney and drafting an agreement that could be modified to suit the GS that we finally decide to work with. We struggled with whether we should use a lawyer (found several GS agreements online) but decided because the law has so many loop holes we would prefer to err on the side of caution. We did consider using an agency recommended by our Dr., but so far the agency in question has proven to be unreliable.

Faith is all I have at this point and even that is faltering...I would never describe myself as weak but at this very moment that is how I feel...weak and vulnerable and desperately trying not to give in to the darkness of depression.