"Cast your fears on God and he will sustain you..." (Psalm 55:22)

"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Surro Agreement

Received the first draft of our surro agreement tonight, all 36 pages of legalese. Our lawyer has done an excellent job in covering all the bases. This process feels much more in control having her on board.

For the last few days I have been very queasy and had I not had my "friend" a few days ago I would have been rejoicing. Alas I think the culprit is the Metformin that I have been taking on the advice of my RE. One more joyous experience to record in this journey to parenthood.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

1 year

Just over a year ago we commenced our first IVF cycle. Full of hope and confident that we would be holding our baby at the end of the year. Today we struggle to stay afloat, to keep going in search of the dream that seems impossible. Each month the hope is alive for about 2 weeks and then dashed again with a quick visit to the bathroom. In a few weeks if all goes well, we will begin again...
I read many blogs and I marvel at other's ability to write, their strength and perseverance, their faith. I want to find that strength, i want to rediscover the girl who loved life and everything it has to offer.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Cycle #1 2011

Already the road to surrogacy is full of bumps and stresses. Although we like our surro and her partner, I am very skeptical of the Agency coordinator who is not being very honest and has been making demands that I find ludicrous and potentially illegal.

I must admit that I was never in favour of going the Agency route primarily because the laws in Canada are so gray with regards to surrogacy that there is much room for abuse. Agencies to date are not regulated and are not bound by any privacy or ethical considerations. This makes me feel very vulnerable.

There are days when I feel the cost of having a child is too much..and I am not referring to the finances of it but the emotional costs...the dozens of BFNs, the overload of medication, the arguments about fertility and the list goes on.....

Then I wonder, why me, why us...why is it so hard for some of us to get pregnant and others not. For example today I am at the pharmacy buying yet another pack of pads after another failed attempt at babymaking. A woman walks up and stands in front of me blocking my view..it's only 8:30am so I mentally tell myself ignore the rudeness and move on...suddenly she decides to share with me about her incontinence..." now that I am pregnant when I cough or laugh I have leakage so I need some maxi pads" I offer my congratulations on her pregnancy and move along, happy to be away from the overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke and BTW she was 7 months pregnant.

Meanwhile I am taking vitamins, yoga, broccoli and all things healthy....but still barren.

Monday, February 14, 2011

happy valentines day :)