"Cast your fears on God and he will sustain you..." (Psalm 55:22)

"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)

Saturday, February 27, 2010


There were tears and more tears and hugs and above of all a feeling of absolute sadness. It won't be official until Monday when our RE does the bloodtest but at this point I am not feeling any symptons...no that's not true, I am feeling lots of cramps and more cramps and nausea and a weird metallic taste in my mouth...pregnant...no...PMS...big fat YES!!!

Heading out to an Art show but would rather be at home trying to get my head around this setback. We will try again as soon as it is possible. I wish I were in NY with my friends and family or back home with my sister who has been really supportive through this entire process. She has the amazing ability to be comforting without being stifling or pushy and is very respectful of people's boundaries...thank you Baby Sis :)

J has been great and really stepped up to the plate. I do think we have become a bit stronger through all this and have truly functioned as a team.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Tiger's apology

Allow me to digress a bit....while I believe that this is a matter between him and his wife and NO ONE else, he is a public figure and as such should be held to a higher standard. It's one of the trade offs of fame. About the apology...hmmm...should have occurred sooner but I do think he was sincere. I applaud Elin for not showing up with a plastic smile to support him...he betrayed her in the worst possible way and no doubt it will take many months, years for that trust to be regained.

For any husbands reading this...don't do it!!
Enough said!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Cycle Monitoring

I was put on birth control for 10 days. During this time I was also self-injecting Lupron (this drug was used to prevent premature ovulation by suppressing the pituitary gland). It worked and I was "suppressed" and on day 1 of my period I began full cycle monitoring for our IVF. This entailed going to the RE every other day for about 5 days. On those days I had a vaginal ultrasound, blood drawn (to test the hormone levels), and a review with the RE of the prior day's results.

My protocol included:
*Lupron (self injected 1x day) - suppression drug

*Gonal F and Repronex (injected in bum by dear hubby 1x/day) - stimulate ovaries to produce multiple eggs

*Prednisone - Steroid to counter any potential auto immune disorders

*Baby Aspirin daily - prevent any clotting

*Materna - Vitamins

*Thyroid pills - precautionary to give thyroid added boost and ensure overall health

*Estrace - Fake estrogen (like i need more estrogen)

*Progesterone Suppositories - to aid in implantation, build up the uterine lining

*Host of Antibiotics - Precautionary - to ward off any potential bacterial infection ( both hubby and I had to take this for 3 days and then I for an additional few days after the retrieval).

*Pain killers - proud of myself - only took 1 and practised every form of meditation, prayer and deep breathing to deal with the pain/discomfort.

*Bottles and Bottles of Gatorade (hate the stuff and tried to supplement with Coconut water) and soups - to prevent fluid retention

Stimualtion period was okay for the most part but by day 9, my ovaries felt like 2 watermelons about to explode. Day of retrieval was horrible. J had no trouble producing a sample ...hmmm..speedy gonzales


The actual retrieval is a blur as I was heavily sedated but 15 eggs were retrieved but only 6 were mature. 6 of 6 fertilized. I had a horrible reaction to the medication and could barely stand up due to the nausea and gut wrenching puking (I was later told by one of the nurses that I may have been given too much medication).

That evening, J presented me with an early Valentines day gift (and yes it was a surprise because we are not the type of couple that celebrates the occasion but it was a much appreciated surprise).

( Incidentally Family Day:))

Easy as pie, no pain or medication!!! At this point we had 6 embryos (all perfect 8 cells, embryos can range from 4-8 cells). We decided to implant 2, freeze 2 and leave the remaining 2 in the lab for further growth. Embryos are often graded 1 being the best and 5 being the worst or vice versa. We had 1 #1, 3 #2s and 2#3s which we fondly call our ugly ducklings. the ducklings were left in the lab for an additional 2 days and the hope was that they would rebel and become "swans" or medically known as blastocysts. The diference between a blastocyst and an embryo is that the latter has 70-100 cells whereas the former is comprised of 4-8 cells.

Many centres choose to perform a 3-day transfer (embryo) but 5-day transfers (blastocysts) are also quite common. Some research has shown higher implantation rates with a 5-day transfer which is more in line (timing) with the location and stage that a normal pregnancy would be at that point.

one of the little guys made it to the blastocyst stage and the other expired. So as of now we have 2 in utero, 2 frozen embryos and 1 frozen blastocyst (otherwise know as our snow babies).

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


The last few weeks have been a host of activities, most of which were often uncomfortable or taxing but all of which I am happy to endure if it means the end result is that we (J and I) will be parents of a healthy baby(ies) at the end of this journey. A bit of background...we came close to being parents 10 years ago but at 19 weeks my cervix showed signs of funnelling and though placed on strict bed rest, I continued to dilate and at 22 weeks delivered a beautiful, perfect baby boy (Matthew). A subsequent autopsy showed no defects and the conclusion was perhaps an incompetent cervix.

Fast forward and we are ready to try again and we do like happy bunnies but to no avail. Given our ages we decided to seek out the help of RE and we are sent for the usual battery of tests. What we discovered was that my tubes are open and ovarian reserve (egg quantity) appears to be good but I have Endometriosis...WHAT!!!! Now up until now I had great respect for my GYN but I truly believe that he let the ball fall at this point. After the diagnosis, I asked him repeatedly about what that meant for us in terms of getting pregnant and he REPEATEDLY brushed aside my concerns/questions and in fact never discussed the results of the HSG with us. Most of our knowledge came from the mutterings of the Dr performing the HSG procedure...but it was our DR's (GYN) responsibility to review the findings with us. Several months after the HSG, I started experiencing a pain in my right side which intensified after playing a game of tennis (note to self...if in pain don't be guilted into doing some sporting activity just to please others...listen to your body :)) Pain turned out to be the result of a significant endometrioma on right ovary. While at hospital we met our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), Dr. B

Initial meeting with RE lasted 3 hours and he was very thorough and it was very clear that mine was not an easy case..indeed the word complex was thrown around a lot. Two IUIs later, we are now in the middle of our first and hopefully only IVF.