Thursday, April 22, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Recess
It's Friday and the weather is simply superb at least it is for the next few hours and then it drops to 2 deg C....AGAIN but I am thankful for small pleasures. I am taking advantage and sitting on our porch, no one ever sits on their porch on my street...I wonder why, they're all probably thinking "what is she doing"? Having grown up in the Caribbean where we all sat on our porches and chatted with the neighbours, I still find it incredibly difficult to embrace the culture of North American backyard and uber privacy. Oh well!!
I had a lovely lunch with co-workers today and tomorrow Hubby and I will attend a ballet performance with a friend who s celebrating her birthday. We met at an IF group session so we had to come up with a "story" to prepare for the curious few who will want to know how we met. I am not a big fan of telling "stories" but it is important to this person that the IF remains a "secret" and so I will do my (our) best to respect that.
This month we are taking a break!! No needles, no pills except my Folic Acid, my Prenatal vitamins and my thyroid medication but thankfully no PIO. It feels so goood to be able to walk again without limping or feeling sick all day.
I had a lovely lunch with co-workers today and tomorrow Hubby and I will attend a ballet performance with a friend who s celebrating her birthday. We met at an IF group session so we had to come up with a "story" to prepare for the curious few who will want to know how we met. I am not a big fan of telling "stories" but it is important to this person that the IF remains a "secret" and so I will do my (our) best to respect that.
This month we are taking a break!! No needles, no pills except my Folic Acid, my Prenatal vitamins and my thyroid medication but thankfully no PIO. It feels so goood to be able to walk again without limping or feeling sick all day.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Live, Love, Laugh
It's been a few days maybe more since my last blog but didn't have the time nor energy when I did to log on. I am sure it's fairly obvious that our FET was not a success. I have decided to take a break, I say "I" because Hubby is gung ho to keep going but emotionally and physically, I need a break. This weekend we will go in to see my RE and discuss our options. I am fairly certain that I have a cyst on my left ovary and at this point I don't know whether it is an endometrioma or regular cyst...hopefully an ultra-sound this weekend might clarify that question.
In other matters, our Easter weekend was busy and fun, ever day was packed with major activity so no time to dwell on what was not to be. We walked a fair bit and had some fairly intense conversations. What is clear is that we both want to be parents in a big way but unlike myself Hubby is not open to adoption. This is very new to me...and to be honest a shock. He admitted that he is not sure that he would be able to love another person's child and I respect that. I will always long for my biological child but I also know that I am capable of loving a child not born of my womb as much as I would a child that bears my DNA.
Easter Sunday was spent calling various family members and having lunch with Hubby's extended paternal family. The lamb was perfect and dessert was simply delicious. Our contribution Deviled Quail's eggs and Smoked Trout pate on Melba Toast was very warmly received and enjoyed. Hubby and his Aunt played ping pong until late evening...a good time was had by all.
This weekend we're attending a classical concert with his Dad and wife...this will be interesting, my FIL could be a handful at times but they don't get out much and we had the extra tickets...I hope we don't live to regret it.
In other matters, our Easter weekend was busy and fun, ever day was packed with major activity so no time to dwell on what was not to be. We walked a fair bit and had some fairly intense conversations. What is clear is that we both want to be parents in a big way but unlike myself Hubby is not open to adoption. This is very new to me...and to be honest a shock. He admitted that he is not sure that he would be able to love another person's child and I respect that. I will always long for my biological child but I also know that I am capable of loving a child not born of my womb as much as I would a child that bears my DNA.
Easter Sunday was spent calling various family members and having lunch with Hubby's extended paternal family. The lamb was perfect and dessert was simply delicious. Our contribution Deviled Quail's eggs and Smoked Trout pate on Melba Toast was very warmly received and enjoyed. Hubby and his Aunt played ping pong until late evening...a good time was had by all.
This weekend we're attending a classical concert with his Dad and wife...this will be interesting, my FIL could be a handful at times but they don't get out much and we had the extra tickets...I hope we don't live to regret it.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
8dp5dt
Still nothing to report. Struggling with whether to POAS or not but not sure I am ready for any disappointments so another day rolls along.
DH and I are considering a non-medicated or natural IVF cycle if this cycle does not work. I haven't yet researched the mechanics of how such a cycle works but I think that it involves constant monitoring to see how your egg is developing and when it is about 18-20, you will be given a trigger shot to release the egg from the follicle. RE will basically retrieve using the same method as he does in regular IVF and DH will provide his "sample" and you wait to hear whether there was fertilization or not. The primary difference is that you are doing this "sans" all the regular IVF medications.
As I mentioned earlier, I have fibroids as well as endometriosis and both do not respond well to most of the medication that is given during a regular IVF cycle. The high doses of estrogen can lead to increased growths in both Fibroids and Endometriomas. My RE will probably fight this decision but I think it's the best one for my optimal long term health.
This post is not in any way intended to be critical of IVF protocols but simply to share our plans and why we are opting to go this route.
On a positive note, Easter is almost here and the weather will be lovely, so time to dust off the worries of winter and embrace the beauty of Spring...new life and that's what I am praying is happening within me right now...new life.....
DH and I are considering a non-medicated or natural IVF cycle if this cycle does not work. I haven't yet researched the mechanics of how such a cycle works but I think that it involves constant monitoring to see how your egg is developing and when it is about 18-20, you will be given a trigger shot to release the egg from the follicle. RE will basically retrieve using the same method as he does in regular IVF and DH will provide his "sample" and you wait to hear whether there was fertilization or not. The primary difference is that you are doing this "sans" all the regular IVF medications.
As I mentioned earlier, I have fibroids as well as endometriosis and both do not respond well to most of the medication that is given during a regular IVF cycle. The high doses of estrogen can lead to increased growths in both Fibroids and Endometriomas. My RE will probably fight this decision but I think it's the best one for my optimal long term health.
This post is not in any way intended to be critical of IVF protocols but simply to share our plans and why we are opting to go this route.
On a positive note, Easter is almost here and the weather will be lovely, so time to dust off the worries of winter and embrace the beauty of Spring...new life and that's what I am praying is happening within me right now...new life.....
Thursday, March 25, 2010
5dp5dt
First of all, I was so excited to see my "first follower"...Hi Jenny and thank you for answering my questions re the assisted hatching. I think part of the reason we were so nervous about doing it was the fact that we were only aware of it the day before the transfer and so not enough time to get our heads around it. Hopefully this lil one will be strong enough to 'hatch' out on its own.
My Emotions are running the full gamut...happy, nervous, sad....and it goes on. No symptoms at least none that I can really feel is indicative of a pregnancy. My boobs are not sore at least not that I can tell. My left boob feels a bit odd but not sore more of a stretchy feeling. Bit crampy today but that may be due to a cyst that I have on my left ovary.
Another day...rolls along.
My Emotions are running the full gamut...happy, nervous, sad....and it goes on. No symptoms at least none that I can really feel is indicative of a pregnancy. My boobs are not sore at least not that I can tell. My left boob feels a bit odd but not sore more of a stretchy feeling. Bit crampy today but that may be due to a cyst that I have on my left ovary.
Another day...rolls along.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
FET 1dp5dt
Our snow baby (the blastocyst) survived the thawing and was successfully transferred to mama's uterus. Up until minutes before the retrieval we had no idea whether he/she had survived. Our clinic offers Assisted Hatching which we opted not to do given that potential disadvantages include congenital defects (conjoined twins, missing limbs etc.) and only increases the odds of implantation by 5%. Our RE didn't think this embryo would survive to blastocyst stage as it was only an 8 cell grade 3 embryo but it did and so we have hope that our little boy or girl will continue to be a fighter.
Apart from an acupuncture treatment after the transfer, I did little else. Hubby made yet another delicious breakfast. At the end of my acupuncture session the acupuncturist suggested that i eat a lot of walnuts and grapes. Well hubby took that quite seriously and immediately went and bought 2 large packets of walnuts and bulging bag of grapes. I had walnuts in my scrambled eggs...enough said :)
Apart from an acupuncture treatment after the transfer, I did little else. Hubby made yet another delicious breakfast. At the end of my acupuncture session the acupuncturist suggested that i eat a lot of walnuts and grapes. Well hubby took that quite seriously and immediately went and bought 2 large packets of walnuts and bulging bag of grapes. I had walnuts in my scrambled eggs...enough said :)
Friday, March 19, 2010
FET and more
It's been a few weeks since I have posted but we are preparing for round 2 of IVF #1 which is an FET. For those new to infertile world, this means Frozen Embryo Transfer. It's a bit easier on the body but definitely harder on the bum :(
My protocol includes taking 2 estrogen pills 3x/day. I'm not really crazy about doing this as I think it could have future dire consequences but it is done to help the endometrium develop into a nice moist cushiony (not sure if this is a word but nevertheless it stays...) bed for the little one.
I also continue with my folic acid, prednisone, baby aspirin and the dreaded PIO ( progesterone in oil) OUCHHHH!!!! This is an intramuscular shot and boy you feel it for hours. Because it is oil based, it does not dissolve very easily and can form huge lumps which then become painful. I have been hobbling for the last week and the heating pad is my constant companion, at least until tomorrow night when the FET is performed. Embryos do not respond well to scents and heat so as of tomorrow cold showers and I will have to find another way to deal with my sore bum. If we do succeed and have a BFP, I will have to continue with the shots until the end of the first trimester and possibly even the second...Nice :(
Last night hubby and I went to our first Infertility Group meeting. As soon as I noticed the box of tissues prominently placed in the middle of the room, I knew this was going to be tough and it was. There were lots of tears and the occasional rant and lots of husbands who dutifully collected tissues for the sobbing wives and partners. Despite our initial trepidation, in the end it felt really good to be there and bond with the other couples. I have made two connections and hopefully we can support each other through this journey, because only another infertile (and my sister) can truly understand the loss that you feel each month when the dreaded Aunt Flo makes her visit.
On another note, I had an acupuncture treatment today and as usual fell asleep on the table. Still trying to decide whether it is the treatment or the music. Another is scheduled for tomorrow after the transfer and then home to bed for 48 hrs, longer if hubby had the final say. I don't think it is necessary to stay in bed for the entire week. we did that the last time and alas, BFN. I will return to work on Monday, work a shorter day and come home and rest. I feel physically fine except for the bum :) so here's hoping that all goes well tomorrow.
My protocol includes taking 2 estrogen pills 3x/day. I'm not really crazy about doing this as I think it could have future dire consequences but it is done to help the endometrium develop into a nice moist cushiony (not sure if this is a word but nevertheless it stays...) bed for the little one.
I also continue with my folic acid, prednisone, baby aspirin and the dreaded PIO ( progesterone in oil) OUCHHHH!!!! This is an intramuscular shot and boy you feel it for hours. Because it is oil based, it does not dissolve very easily and can form huge lumps which then become painful. I have been hobbling for the last week and the heating pad is my constant companion, at least until tomorrow night when the FET is performed. Embryos do not respond well to scents and heat so as of tomorrow cold showers and I will have to find another way to deal with my sore bum. If we do succeed and have a BFP, I will have to continue with the shots until the end of the first trimester and possibly even the second...Nice :(
Last night hubby and I went to our first Infertility Group meeting. As soon as I noticed the box of tissues prominently placed in the middle of the room, I knew this was going to be tough and it was. There were lots of tears and the occasional rant and lots of husbands who dutifully collected tissues for the sobbing wives and partners. Despite our initial trepidation, in the end it felt really good to be there and bond with the other couples. I have made two connections and hopefully we can support each other through this journey, because only another infertile (and my sister) can truly understand the loss that you feel each month when the dreaded Aunt Flo makes her visit.
On another note, I had an acupuncture treatment today and as usual fell asleep on the table. Still trying to decide whether it is the treatment or the music. Another is scheduled for tomorrow after the transfer and then home to bed for 48 hrs, longer if hubby had the final say. I don't think it is necessary to stay in bed for the entire week. we did that the last time and alas, BFN. I will return to work on Monday, work a shorter day and come home and rest. I feel physically fine except for the bum :) so here's hoping that all goes well tomorrow.
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