It comes suddenly and with a force that makes you quiver...I can never predict when I will have one of these moments. The moments where I call on the Lord to give me strength to survive the storm. The days where my heart feels like it's broken and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. Days where I want to lean on someone but I don't know who because I am too afraid of letting anyone see this broken side of me. Days where I work 30 hours because when i am tired I forget. Days where I watch mindless TV because I can fantasize and pretend.
I have suffered losses and disappointments but by far the most difficult was losing our baby several years ago. To this day, i still see his beautiful face, his tiny fingers and toes and the perfect little button nose....I love that child like I have never loved another person or thing...
Today i feel hopeless and lost, the girl in me is dying, i want to preserve her spirit, her fondness for life, her joy at the smallest pleasures but today her spirit is low and her future seems dim but my faith has got me this far and I have to trust that the Lord will get me further.
